The Valentine's Day Chainsaw Massacre and My Personal War on Weeds

Hello Galaxians, 

Today, being that it is Valentine's week, I thought I would share a personal story of love and despair. 

The weeds around my home contain a special gene that makes me believe they were created in a lab by a mad scientist or they've had some kind of radiation that turns them into super-power weeds. In one season, the area in and around my garden turns into a gardeners version of hell, with weeds that are upwards of 18-feet tall. In fact, I spend more time weeding my way into the garden than actually attacking the weeds around the vegetables that I plant. I've tried everything--putting down old carpeting, plastic, cardboard boxes for pathways and yet the weeds seem to grow right through everything. Every year, I don my armor and head out to battle.

One Saturday in 2012 was just such a day. I was out clearing the weeds around the garden with the chainsaw. Yep, you heard it right, I was clearing weeds with a chainsaw. You have to understand that we have these tree sapling type weeds that are about 5 inches in diameter and laugh in the face of tree trimmers. They block the sun from entering the garden and put out giant leaves that cast shadows. My harvests end up being very small because what tomato can compete with that?

So there I was, standing on uneven ground using my chainsaw to cut the tall weeds when it bumped back and grazed my thigh. Before everyone gets too excited, it really wasn't that bad. I've had serious injuries before and this was more like I'd tripped on a gravel road and tore the skin off my palm. Anyway, bottom line, my favorite jeans were ruined and of course I hurt from grazing my skin. I didn't feel any pain at first, but saw blood and knew I'd been cut. So I shut off the chainsaw and hobbled out of the woods.

Here's where we get to my Valentine's story. The chainsaw was a Valentine's Day gift. However, it would be ridiculous to blame my husband for my injuries. I've used that chainsaw many times over and never cut myself, but the rule of odds weren't in my favor that Saturday. But I do want to bring up the fact, that as an American woman I received a chainsaw for a Valentine's Day gift? Really, a chainsaw? I know I'm lucky to get anything at all. I've heard all the arguments, that Valentine's Day is really a made-up holiday to get money out of men......blah, blah, blah. With that I roll my eyes. I've also retorted with, "it's sad you guys need to be reminded that you have a special someone. You may choose another day if you'd like, but I do require at least a small token of appreciation." For you guys out there, please don't get your ladies Tupperware, blenders or chainsaws for gifts. If your lady needs these things, just come home with them randomly and you will get a better response than if you'd given it to them on Valentine's Day--I promise. It's simple---flowers and chocolate. I'd so like to not associate the skin missing on my thigh with Valentine's Day (even though I don't blame my husband-had to throw that disclaimer in there).

Okay, so there you have it--my Valentine's story. Just so you know . . . I'm still married and this Valentine's day, I received flowers for a full week before-hand. Classy and I'm loving it. He's happy because he says the price of flowers goes up right before Valentine's Day, so he beat the price gouging. I can dig it.

Happy Valentine's Day friends, 

Broke Girl